Writelike Jane Austen: Mr Darcy at the dance

The character who fits

Let's take another look at the first fragment, where Austen describes Mr Bingley:

Mr. Bingley had soon made himself acquainted with all the principle people in the room; he was lively and unreserved, danced every dance, was angry that the ball closed so early, and talked of giving one himself at Netherfield. Such amiable qualities must speak for themselves.

Pride and Prejudice(1813)

Mr Bingley had soon made himself acquainted with...

Contemporary phrasing would be more direct:

  • Mr Bingley had soon acquainted himself with...
  • Mr Bingley quickly introduced himself to

You can see how the self-referential 'had made himself' phrasing lets Austen come at the action more obliquely.

Can you rephrase a verb group to be more self-referential in this way?

Talked of giving one himself

We don't use 'of' this way much anymore. We'd use 'about':

  • He talked about giving one himself

Can you find an opportunity for your character to speak, talk or know about something, but use 'of' instead of about?

Such amiable qualities

We don't use 'such' as a pointer much anymore. We'd say something like:

  • These amiable qualities
  • These types of amiable qualities

Is there a pointer you can switch for 'such'?

Let's revise our worked examples.

Here's our original knitting club variation. We've highlighted the clauses we're going to change:

Betsy quickly became part of the gang; she was bright and bubbly, had a lovely collection of tasteful patterns, always brought snacks, and listened more than she talked. She was a new favourite among the girls.

Here's a revised version, where we've tried to adapt these three phrasing ideas.

Notice that we haven't applied them rigidly. Instead we've used them as a way to get the main aspect of Austen's voice, which is writing with a kind of refined distance and detachment.

Betsy swiftly placed herself in good relations with each member of the knitting circle; she was bright and bubbly, shared generously of her delightful patterns, always provided a plate, and listened to the other ladies more than she spoke. Such charm made an appropriate impression.

You might also notice that we revised some of the clauses we didn't highlight, trying to get more of that Austen voice.

Here's our original assassins variation:

Enzo slipped into the crew as easily as he slipped into an open window; he was measured and confident, nimble with a knife, could sit still for hours in the cold, and was content to mind his own business. He brought a lot of value at little cost.

And here is a pass using Austenian phrasing ideas:

Enzo slid himself into the crew’s good favour as easily as he slid into an open window; he was measured and confident, nimble with a knife, content to wait patiently for his mark, and spoke of his background in only the vaguest terms. Such obvious value came at very little cost.

We'll give you your original variation for reference. See if you can find any opportunities to revise it.

The most important goal: make the writing sound elegant, refined and detached.

You can revise your snippet however you think will achieve that goal.

But three suggestions:

  • Made himself acquianted: Make one of the actions more indirect by making it self-referential
  • Spoke of: Find a way to use 'of' instead of 'about'
  • Such amiable: Find a way to use 'such' instead of 'these', 'this', or another pointer.
Revise your original variation to capture a more Austen-like voice.
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