Let's pull this together and see what we've got.
Here's the original Austen snippet:
Mr. Bingley had soon made himself acquainted with all the principle people in the room; he was lively and unreserved, danced every dance, was angry that the ball closed so early, and talked of giving one himself at Netherfield. Such amiable qualities must speak for themselves. What a contrast between him and his friend! Mr. Darcy danced only once with Mrs. Hurst and once with Miss Bingley, declined being introduced to any other lady, and spent the rest of the evening walking about the room, speaking occasionally to one of his own party. His character was decided. He was the proudest, most disagreeable man in the world, and everyone hoped that he would never come there again. Amongst the most violent against him was Mrs. Bennet, whose dislike of his general behaviour was sharpened into particular resentment, by having slighted one of her daughters.
Here are worked examples with all the fragments combined:
Betsy quickly became part of the gang; she was bright and bubbly, had a lovely collection of tasteful patterns, always brought snacks, and listened more than she talked. She was a new favourite among the girls. Not like that other lady! Dorothy would steal recipes and say they were her own, only ever talked about herself, refused to follow a pattern, ‘borrowed’ wool from the other ladies when they weren’t looking, and regularly farted. The girls agreed. She was the rudest, most selfish lady they had ever met at the community centre, and something would have to be done to force her out. Carole-Ann really couldn’t stand her, saying she was a no-good recipe-stealing busybody who was better off with the old bats who played bridge on Tuesdays.
Enzo slipped into the crew as easily as he slipped into an open window; he was measured and confident, nimble with a knife, could sit still for hours in the cold, and was content to mind his own business. He brought a lot of value at little cost. Clem—another story. Clem was painfully stupid, asked far too many questions, couldn’t pick up a crossbow without shooting a bolt through the window, failed the rope test, and would bolt from cover for a frontal attack at the first itch of boredom. A consensus was formed. Clem was a moron who was likely to get them all killed, and the crew agreed it would be better if he met that fate first. Most opposed to his continued life was Elspeth, who was the first to put a strike against his name after he chose to infiltrate the Palazzo dressed as a noblewoman instead of going through the sewers like everyone else.
And here are your fragments combined into one text box. How well does it hang together?
So that's our structural draft!
Next, let's see if we can capture some more of that Jane Austen voice.
