Writelike Jane Austen: Mr Darcy at the dance

The character who doesn't fit

What can we find in the next fragment?

Mr. Darcy danced only once with Mrs. Hurst and once with Miss Bingley, declined being introduced to any other lady, and spent the rest of the evening walking about the room, speaking occasionally to one of his own party.

Pride and Prejudice(1813)

Danced only once

We usually put 'only' before the verb:

  • He only danced once, vs
  • He danced only once

Can you find a place to use a verbed-only combo like this?

Declined being

A lot of Austen's sense of detachment comes from the way she handles tense. Contemporary phrasing is usually more direct, whereas Austen uses more continuous tense:

  • He declined to be introduced, vs
  • He declined being introduced

Can you find an opportunity to change tense to create this more detached feel?

Here is our knitting example. We've highlighted the clauses we will revise using these two ideas:

Dorothy would steal recipes and say they were her own, only ever talked about herself, refused to follow a pattern, ‘borrowed’ wool from the other ladies when they weren’t looking, and regularly farted.

Dorothy spoke only of herself, declined following a pattern, ‘borrowed’ wool from the other ladies without their permission, and was widely suspected to be flatulent.

Notice that we also cut the recipe-stealing clause, and made the farting more dignified.

Here's the assassins example revised for voice. Notice we've picked two clauses where we might play with tense:

Clem was painfully stupid, asked far too many questions, couldn’t pick up a crossbow without shooting a bolt through the window, failed the rope test, and would bolt from cover for a frontal attack at the first itch of boredom.

Clem passed only one of the Guild’s tests, blithely failing the rest, mishandled a crossbow and shot a bolt through the window, and made it clear to all that he lacked the patience for lurking in the dark, preferring above all else a full-frontal assault upon any and all enemies.

You can see we've changed a lot more besides those three highlighted sections.

Once you start getting the hang of a particular voice, you'll find it drives character and story in its own direction.

  • Find a way to put 'only' after a verb.
  • Look at your verb groups and see if you can use that more detached continuous tense.
Revise your original variation to capture a more Austen-like voice.
Previous page