Writelike Jane Austen: Mr Darcy at the dance

Contrast/pivot

This snippet is just a sentence fragment, so there's not much to say!

What a contrast between him and his friend!

Pride and Prejudice(1813)

The one thing to look at in this snippet is how Austen expresses a heightened emotion (shock, displeasure, disappointment) in a way that still manages to sound dignified and detached. It's really about the word 'what':

  • What a contrast between him and his friend!
  • It was a big contrast between him and his friend.

And the circumlocution:

  • What a contrast with his friend!
  • What a contrast between him and his friend!

How can you heighten your fragment while still sounding dignified?

Here's our original knitting example, and then a revised version:

Not like that other lady!

Quite unlike the other new member!

And here's our assassin example, original and revised:

Clem—another story.

Not so the other recruit!

Heighten the emotion purely through the use of grammatical words—so don't change 'bad' to 'terrible', change 'It was' to 'What a'.

Advanced: Expand on the phrasing in a way that doesn't add new information but increases the sense of precision and refinement.

Revise your fragment to capture a more Jane Austen-style voice.
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