Writelike Mary Shelley: Frankenstein's monster's lament

"Galling mother! Why did you make my room so clean that even you are now thwarted from finding my charger? Diamond, in sloth, leaves her room heaped with rags and crumbs, a playground for vermin; but my room you’ve made your clinical ideal, more cruel even from its very sterility. In jail, the guards, your prison parents, must treat their wards with courtesy and respect, but you are tactless and ill-mannered."

"Witless Redditors! How could you spam my address so far into space that even you were astonished by my Gammalorian abduction? You, in safety, sit in gaming chairs plush and padded, with mellifluous light and sound; but I squirm in this gelatinous pod, beyond the very edge of the Oort Cloud. Ordinary swatting victims, randoms on the internet, have their doors kicked in by humans, but I’m to be probed by quad-digit blob monsters."