Emotion 2: Representing character emotion

Reflecting character emotion through description of the world

In the previous activity, we looked at how we can express character emotion by describing their thoughts and behaviours.

On this page, we're going to shift focus from the character to the trigger and see how we can describe the world in such a way that it reflects the character's emotion.

Here's another snippet about Gerald but it shows the moment before he sets everything on fire.

How do you imagine Gerald feels in this scene?

After numerous flicks, he got the fire to stay on. He grinned with delight. The dancer was there, smiling at him and bowing for him, changing from splendid orange to icy green to iridescent purple. The lighter flame flickered magically, making golden the purple shadows on the wall.

Forged by Fire(1997)
How do you think Gerald feels?

What's the emotional loop?

This snippet starts with behaviour (flicking the lighter), which creates a new trigger (the flame), which creates an emotion (delight), which creates a new behaviour (he grins):

  • Behaviour: He flicks the lighter and gets the fire to stay on. 
  • Trigger: The flame.
  • Emotion: Delight. 
  • New behaviour: He grins.

But as you can see, most of the words in this snippet are describing the trigger (the flame).

Why would the writer do this?

From what you see in this snippet, how do you imagine Gerald sets fire to his mother's apartment?

Draper describes the flame in such a way that it tells us as much about Gerald's feelings as it does about the flame.

She doesn't just say it was orange and hot, or that it was a healthy flame because there was lots of fuel in the lighter, or that it was the size of a fingernail.

Instead she says the flame dances, smiles, and bows for him; it changes colours, it flickers magically, and so on.

What she is doing is describing the flame from Gerald's point of view. This description helps us see the flame how he sees it—and knowing that he sees the flame that way helps us imagine how he feels.

For example, we can imagine that if we saw a magical dancing flame, we might be so entranced that we don't notice the curtains have caught fire while we're playing with it.

Here's another look at the snippet, but this time we've highlighted the emotion and then all the descriptive details that reinforce that emotion:

After numerous flicks, he got the fire to stay on. He grinned with delight. The dancer was there, smiling at him and bowing for him, changing from splendid orange to icy green to iridescent purple. The lighter flame flickered magically, making golden the purple shadows on the wall.

Forged by Fire(1997)

By describing triggers in such a way that they evoke emotion in the reader, you make the reader start to believe that the character's actions make complete sense because they see the world the same way that the character does.

Let's look at a couple of worked examples.

We'll imagine a trigger and emotion for each of our example scenes, and then write a description of the trigger from the character's point of view: what about the world is making them feel this emotion?

  • What's a trigger? Thaddeus the penguin watches his corgi buddy Henry play tug of war with a seagull.
  • How might Thaddeus feel and behave? Delighted, laughing.
  • How might we expand on the description of the trigger to create a sense of delight? Add absurd detail about Henry and the seagull wrestling over a fish.

When one of the fish landed on the ground and a nearby gull tried to snatch it, Henry grabbed the other end and began a tug-of-war. Thaddeus laughed in delight. Henry tossed his head from side to side, growling comically, and tried to throw the seagull off while the gull spread its wings to keep balance. Henry then tugged the gull backwards, and in response the gull, insisting it owned the fish, flapped into the air, hoisted Henry upright and dragged him in the other direction, jerking him along on his hind legs while his tiny front paws pedalled uselessly in front of him. 

  • What's a trigger? The men starts chanting for a fight.
  • How might Mizune feel and behave? Angry, flicking her sleeves so she can fight.
  • How might we expand on the description of the trigger to create a sense of anger? She sees the men as ugly and mean, contrasts with the women and children in the crowd.

The men in the crowd copied Carlo’s chant. Mizune flicked her sleeves and scowled at them in anger. The torchlight threw ugly shadows on their smirks and jeers, their black eyes eager for blood. But Mizune also saw the children holding their fathers’ legs, staring open-mouthed and trying to understand if this was good, and she saw the wives who were afraid of what their husbands could do.

Now it's your turn.

  • Imagine your scene.
  • Think of a trigger.
  • Imagine how your character might feel and behave, but be brief.
  • Describe the trigger from your character's point of view: use lots of details that show us how they see the trigger, so we understand how they feel about it. 
Write a variation, describing the world in a way that reflects how the character is feeling.
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