Emotion 2: Representing character emotion

Describing the feeling with metaphor

It can be difficult or awkward to describe feelings in minute physical detail, so writers will often use metaphor.

What metaphors does Aisha Saeed use in this snippet to describe how Naila is feeling?

The pale moon shines on us as we get into the car. The ride home is silent, but it’s a heavy silence, closing in on me. I feel like I’m suffocating.

“I’m sorry,” Imran says once we’re inside the house. His hands are in his pockets. His face is stained with tears.

Written in the Stars(2015)
  • Trigger: Big picture, Naila's been caught dancing with a boy. In this moment, it's the silence in the car as her parents drive her home.
  • Feeling: Like suffocating under something heavy.
  • Emotion: The snippet doesn't name Naila's emotion, but from the metaphor we know it must be something like fear or dread.
  • Behaviour: This snippet doesn't show us what Naila does, though we can imagine what it must be like riding home in that car.

Here are some examples that use the same pattern:

Henry is bounding up and down the jetty, jumping and barking at the seagulls, his tongue flapping. Thaddeus feels aglow, like the sun is rising inside his body.

“Bork!” says Henry, nipping at one flying gull’s orange toes. “Bork bork bork!”

The torchlights ruffle in the night breeze and cast shadows that make it hard for Mizune to read Carlo’s eyes. She is tuned tight as a harp string; she will sound a note as soon as she is plucked.

“What are you waiting for?” calls Carlo, playing to the village spectators. He puffs his chest and holds his spear out wide, preening.

Write your own variation in which you describe a character's feelings with a simile or metaphor.

(If you're stuck, think of the trigger, imagine how your character feels, and then let your mind browse for other experiences that would create a similar feeling.)

Write your own variation, using a metaphor or simile to describe a character's emotions.
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