Emotions up close

In contrast to the previous page, let's look at what happens if we zoom in close to a character—in this instance, what happens if we dive inside their head?

Here's another snippet about Tom Sawyer—how does he feel here?

Tom's mind was made up, now. He was gloomy and desperate. He was a forsaken, friendless boy, he said; nobody loved him; when they found out what they had driven him to, perhaps they would be sorry; he had tried to do right and get along, but they would not let him; since nothing would do them but to be rid of him, let it be so; and let them blame him for the consequences—why shouldn't they? what right had the friendless to complain? Yes, they had forced him to it at last: he would lead a life of crime. There was no choice.

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer(1876)

How does Tom feel?

The snippet tells us he feels gloomy and desperate.

But then it expands on that with a long, detailed passage of self-talk: he's friendless, nobody loves him, they'll be sorry when they find out they've driven him to a life of crime.

The close-up effect

Notice how this self-talk takes us directly inside Tom's thoughts.

We no longer have that over-the-shoulder sense of distance that we had in the previous page.

Instead we're inside Tom, experiencing his thoughts in real time the same way he does.

Here are a couple of examples that use self-talk to create a more up-close point of view:

Thaddeus' heart lifted. He felt relieved and expansive. How crushed he had been under his own expectations! Nobody to blame but himself! And now that he'd sent the form, how much lighter he felt! And how much bigger and brighter the world appeared to be! Just because he loved hats didn't mean he had to study to be a haberdasher. He could do whatever he wanted. Even be a detective.

Mizune found herself crawling through the mud. She was in shock. There was no way Carlo would have poisoned her, even he wouldn't stoop that that low. And if extremes of cowardice and vanity had driven him to it, there was no way he could make a poison this effective. This couldn't be her end, could it? Here amongst the chicken and pig droppings, in this armpit of a town? If it was then it could only be her fault, a consequence of her own arrogance. She couldn't blame Carlo; he'd done what he needed to do. And now Mizune needed to get to that temple.

Imagine a scene with your character experiencing strong emotions.
Zoom in on them in a moment.
Label their emotions.
Then follow their thoughts as they talk to themselves.

Hint: The self-talk will be more interesting if the character is thinking about some kind of relationship they are struggling with.

Zoom in on a character's emotions, using emotional labels and following their thoughts and self-talk.

Emotion 2: Representing character emotion