Emotion 1: Emotional cause and effect

Checkpoint project

Baseline

Let's start writing.

The story opens with the baseline version of the world.

High level, this snippet just introduces a series facts.

But if we break it down in more detail, we can see a pattern that sets up the conflict to come between Jade Dragon and her children:

Once when there were no rivers on the earth, the Jade Dragon was in charge of clouds. She decided when and where the clouds would rain upon the land and when they would stop. She was very proud of her power and of the reverence the people of earth paid her. Jade Dragon had four dragon children: Pearl, Yellow, Long, and Black. They were large and strong and good and kind. They helped Jade Dragon with her work and whenever they flew in the sky she was overwhelmed with love and pride.

Where the Mountain Meets the MoonGrace LinSource
What can we see in this snippet?

Here's an example of a rewrite using the same elements:

Once at Park High there was a senior caretaker called Mr O'Malley. He was in charge of keeping the facilities clean and tidy and running smoothly. He was immensely proud of his work and drew great satisfaction from the sparkling floors and fresh-flowing water fountains. Mr O'Malley didn't work alone; he had a team of four junior caretakers: Jules, Jenny, Shawna, and Pat. They were easy-going but diligent about their work. They were devoted to Mr O'Malley and he was grateful for their support in his quest to make Park High the cleanest, nicest, smoothest-running school in the state.

A quick word about highlighters in this checkpoint
Writing your own variation
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