Dracula in the style of Twilight: Example

Rewriting Dracula in the style of Twilight is pretty easy:

  • Cut all the expansions
  • Increase the number of passive were and was-type verbs
  • Make the qualities and processes more plain

Here are Twilight and Dracula, followed by a rewrite of Dracula in the style of Twilight.

The street was lined on both sides by blank, doorless, windowless walls. I could see in the distance, two intersections down, streetlamps, cars, and more pedestrians, but they were all too far away. Because lounging against the western building, midway down the street, were the other two men from the group, both watching with excited smiles as I froze dead on the sidewalk. I realized then that I wasn't being followed.

I was being herded.

I paused for only a second, but it felt like a very long time. I turned then and darted to the other side of the road. I had a sinking feeling that it was a wasted attempt. The footsteps behind me were louder now.

Twilight(2011)

This time, after going to the far side of the Pass, he suddenly turned down a narrow roadway which ran sharply to the right. Soon we were hemmed in with trees, which in places arched right over the roadway till we passed as through a tunnel. And again great frowning rocks guarded us boldly on either side. Though we were in shelter, we could hear the rising wind, for it moaned and whistled through the rocks, and the branches of the trees crashed together as we swept along. It grew colder and colder still, and fine, powdery snow began to fall, so that soon we and all around us were covered with a white blanket. The keen wind still carried the howling of the dogs, though this grew fainter as we went on our way. The baying of the wolves sounded nearer and nearer, as though they were closing round on us from every side. I grew dreadfully afraid, and the horses shared my fear.

Dracula(1897)

He suddenly turned down a narrow roadway. Soon we were hemmed in with trees and rocks. It was like we were in a tunnel. We could hear the sound of the wind, and soon a fine, white snow was falling. The sound of the dogs baying was getting fainter. Wolves were howling somewhere close. It sounded as if they were surrounding us. I suddenly grew afraid. I think the horses were scared too.

What do you think? Is it as Twilght-y as it could be? Compare the rewrite with the passage from Twilight. Is there anything that stands out that you could change or improve? For instance, I think it might actually be even flatter than the Twilight original—maybe it needs some slightly stronger actions or qualities?

Copy and paste the rewrite here, and make whatever changes you think might make it more like Twilight.