Narrative distance

In the previous snippet, we had a bird's eye view of a city and its people.

In this next snippet (from a different novel), we zoom in on a specific family at their home:

It was Saturday, summer vacation, but a workday for the Herrera family. The sun, a yellow bonnet of summer heat, hung above the trees. Rudy’s entire family—father, mother, sister, and grandfather, who was known throughout Fresno as “El Shorty”—were working in the yard. Father was a gardener, but his yard was brimming with tall, scraggly weeds.

The Pool PartyGary SotoSource

It was Saturday, summer vacation, but a workday for the Herrera family. The sun, a yellow bonnet of summer heat, hung above the trees. Rudy’s entire family—father, mother, sister, and grandfather, who was known throughout Fresno as “El Shorty”—were working in the yard. Father was a gardener, but his yard was brimming with tall, scraggly weeds.

The Pool PartyGary SotoSource

It was Saturday, summer vacation, but a workday for the Herrera family. The sun, a yellow bonnet of summer heat, hung above the trees. Rudy’s entire family—father, mother, sister, and grandfather, who was known throughout Fresno as “El Shorty”—were working in the yard. Father was a gardener, but his yard was brimming with tall, scraggly weeds.

The Pool PartyGary SotoSource

It was Saturday, summer vacation, but a workday for the Herrera family. The sun, a yellow bonnet of summer heat, hung above the trees. Rudy’s entire family—father, mother, sister, and grandfather, who was known throughout Fresno as “El Shorty”—were working in the yard. Father was a gardener, but his yard was brimming with tall, scraggly weeds.

The Pool PartyGary SotoSource

Structure

Distance

Notice

Who do we focus on in the orc siege, and what do we learn about them? Do we see inside anyone?

On the morning of the third day of the assault, when the plush snow around the city had turned to churned mud and bloodied bodies and broken fragments of arrow, Garath-ek led the Split Hand clan's party of axe-thanes, bombmakers and wall scramblers—including the one-eyed rogue known as Malvolio—to make yet another breach attempt on the sewer entrance in the eastern wall. The tunnel was barred and heavily defended, but it presented Garath-ek with a direct and unflankable route to the keep.

How about the military dolphin story?

On Friday afternoons, the after-school surf club would hold its meetings at the shallow edge of the water. However, today they gathered in the nearby park, propping up surfboards uselessly against the pine trees and brushing away ants. Above them, the sky was a cloudless blue, and a light offshore breeze rustled the pine-cones. Leading the club from the centre was Mrs Lexi Holt, ex-young-olympian and two-time regional surf league champion.

Tips for your own variation

Your turn

Write a scene from a wide perspective, providing details about group members without going inside them.

Crossing multiple levels in one story

Let's go close enough that we start to understand what these characters are thinking and feeling.

Narrative distance

Five levels

Wide

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