Narrative distance

About Standards

Five levels

Close

In the middle distance snippet, we were told how Rudy feels about the sandwich.

In this close-up, we actually go inside his mind. Can you see where we do that?

"Get real," Estela growled, then added with kindness, "Rudy, a ‘pool party' is a swim party. You have to be polite. You can't eat with your fingers."

"Oh, it's that kind of party," Rudy said, a light coming on inside his head. He pictured himself wiping his mouth every time he took a bite of food or sipped a drink.

The Pool PartyGary SotoSource

"Get real," Estela growled, then added with kindness, "Rudy, a ‘pool party' is a swim party. You have to be polite. You can't eat with your fingers."

"Oh, it's that kind of party," Rudy said, a light coming on inside his head. He pictured himself wiping his mouth every time he took a bite of food or sipped a drink.

The Pool PartyGary SotoSource

"Get real," Estela growled, then added with kindness, "Rudy, a ‘pool party' is a swim party. You have to be polite. You can't eat with your fingers."

"Oh, it's that kind of party," Rudy said, a light coming on inside his head. He pictured himself wiping his mouth every time he took a bite of food or sipped a drink.

The Pool PartyGary SotoSource

"Get real," Estela growled, then added with kindness, "Rudy, a ‘pool party' is a swim party. You have to be polite. You can't eat with your fingers."

"Oh, it's that kind of party," Rudy said, a light coming on inside his head. He pictured himself wiping his mouth every time he took a bite of food or sipped a drink.

The Pool PartyGary SotoSource
Structure
Distance
Notice

How are these ideas applied in our orc siege example?

There was a rumble further down the tunnel. Granular, ashy smoke billowed back, making the fighters cough. "They're collapsing the tunnel!" Varguk cried. Another crash, back towards the entrance. "They're trying to trap us! Bury us!"

"Quiet, bomber," said Garath-ek. He was trying to think of a way out. He could let the humans collapse a section and then charge his warriors straight up into the street, though he saw them being surrounded and picked off as they came through, bodies blocking the mouth. Or he could send Malvolio up a toilet shaft.

There was a rumble further down the tunnel. Granular, ashy smoke billowed back, making the fighters cough. "They're collapsing the tunnel!" Varguk cried. Another crash, back towards the entrance. "They're trying to trap us! Bury us!"

"Quiet, bomber," said Garath-ek. He was trying to think of a way out. He could let the humans collapse a section and then charge his warriors straight up into the street, though he saw them being surrounded and picked off as they came through, bodies blocking the mouth. Or he could send Malvolio up a toilet shaft.

There was a rumble further down the tunnel. Granular, ashy smoke billowed back, making the fighters cough. "They're collapsing the tunnel!" Varguk cried. Another crash, back towards the entrance. "They're trying to trap us! Bury us!"

"Quiet, bomber," said Garath-ek. He was trying to think of a way out. He could let the humans collapse a section and then charge his warriors straight up into the street, though he saw them being surrounded and picked off as they came through, bodies blocking the mouth. Or he could send Malvolio up a toilet shaft.

There was a rumble further down the tunnel. Granular, ashy smoke billowed back, making the fighters cough. "They're collapsing the tunnel!" Varguk cried. Another crash, back towards the entrance. "They're trying to trap us! Bury us!"

"Quiet, bomber," said Garath-ek. He was trying to think of a way out. He could let the humans collapse a section and then charge his warriors straight up into the street, though he saw them being surrounded and picked off as they came through, bodies blocking the mouth. Or he could send Malvolio up a toilet shaft.

How about the dolphin story?

Something knocked the board from beneath her feet. One second she was trimming along the wave while watching the twinkling lights of the town and then the board shot out and she smacked face first into a wall of water.

Suddenly she was spinning, her bearings lost. The line ripped from her ankle, leaving a burn. Saltwater stung inside her nostrils. She felt pressure in her ears and something in her mind was firing an alarm as she tumbled in the darkness.

Something knocked the board from beneath her feet. One second she was trimming along the wave while watching the twinkling lights of the town and then the board shot out and she smacked face first into a wall of water.

Suddenly she was spinning, her bearings lost. The line ripped from her ankle, leaving a burn. Saltwater stung inside her nostrils. She felt pressure in her ears and something in her mind was firing an alarm as she tumbled in the darkness.

Something knocked the board from beneath her feet. One second she was trimming along the wave while watching the twinkling lights of the town and then the board shot out and she smacked face first into a wall of water.

Suddenly she was spinning, her bearings lost. The line ripped from her ankle, leaving a burn. Saltwater stung inside her nostrils. She felt pressure in her ears and something in her mind was firing an alarm as she tumbled in the darkness.

Something knocked the board from beneath her feet. One second she was trimming along the wave while watching the twinkling lights of the town and then the board shot out and she smacked face first into a wall of water.

Suddenly she was spinning, her bearings lost. The line ripped from her ankle, leaving a burn. Saltwater stung inside her nostrils. She felt pressure in her ears and something in her mind was firing an alarm as she tumbled in the darkness.

Tips for your own variation
Your turn

What if we merge with the character and eavesdrop on their internal speech?

Like what you see?

You’re not logged in!

If you want to save your writing, login and either assign this lesson to yourself or access it via your group.