Narrative distance

Here's a snippet of narrative description that takes a bird's eye view of Vietnam during the war.

We'll examine it with three layers of highlighting:

The war had just made transport more difficult still. Apart from the few ancient buses and taxis, about the only vehicles with more than two wheels were the military ones: jeeps, trucks, the occasional car — every one with a uniformed driver.

It was a city in a country at war, tuned to the needs of the soldier.

People lived and breathed and did their shopping and went about their occupations as they had probably always done, but woven into everything was the war, and the business of war.

Only the HeartBrian CaswellDavid Phu an ChiemSource

The war had just made transport more difficult still. Apart from the few ancient buses and taxis, about the only vehicles with more than two wheels were the military ones: jeeps, trucks, the occasional car — every one with a uniformed driver.

It was a city in a country at war, tuned to the needs of the soldier.

People lived and breathed and did their shopping and went about their occupations as they had probably always done, but woven into everything was the war, and the business of war.

Only the HeartBrian CaswellDavid Phu an ChiemSource

The war had just made transport more difficult still. Apart from the few ancient buses and taxis, about the only vehicles with more than two wheels were the military ones: jeeps, trucks, the occasional car — every one with a uniformed driver.

It was a city in a country at war, tuned to the needs of the soldier.

People lived and breathed and did their shopping and went about their occupations as they had probably always done, but woven into everything was the war, and the business of war.

Only the HeartBrian CaswellDavid Phu an ChiemSource

Structure

Distance

Here's our orc siege example, written from a bird's eye view and following the same structure. Do you see inside any characters?

Winter forced the Oruk to storm the city walls. For three seasons had they laid siege to Minsk, setting up camp amidst blossoms and bumblebees, tanning in the summer sun while the generals tossed insults over the battlements, stomping through the thinning forest surrounds as the inhabitants ate the last of their grain.

But the people of Minsk would not open the gates, and now the camp was in snow and the Oruk were the ones starving.

The army charged the walls and the inhabitants defended their city, a field of axes and rams against a rain of arrows and stones, and so began a hopeless battle.

Winter forced the Oruk to storm the city walls. For three seasons had they laid siege to Minsk, setting up camp amidst blossoms and bumblebees, tanning in the summer sun while the generals tossed insults over the battlements, stomping through the thinning forest surrounds as the inhabitants ate the last of their grain.

But the people of Minsk would not open the gates, and now the camp was in snow and the Oruk were the ones starving.

The army charged the walls and the inhabitants defended their city, a field of axes and rams against a rain of arrows and stones, and so began a hopeless battle.

Winter forced the Oruk to storm the city walls. For three seasons had they laid siege to Minsk, setting up camp amidst blossoms and bumblebees, tanning in the summer sun while the generals tossed insults over the battlements, stomping through the thinning forest surrounds as the inhabitants ate the last of their grain.

But the people of Minsk would not open the gates, and now the camp was in snow and the Oruk were the ones starving.

The army charged the walls and the inhabitants defended their city, a field of axes and rams against a rain of arrows and stones, and so began a hopeless battle.

Here's the military dolphin example:

It had been three weeks since the military dolphin stormed the coast and locked down the beaches of Gull Town. By the piers, rusty speakers warned daredevils against entering the water, while lifeguards armed with batons and badges patrolled the squeaky white beaches. Only a few stray parasols remained, tumbling across the sand. Though the sea beckoned, this was now a town of fear, rumour, and bitumen.

Radio and TV buzzed with constant reports of missing surfers and child amputees. On the cover of every Gull Herald: “The Government Doesn’t Want You to Know THIS One Thing About Genetically Modified Dolphins!”

It had been three weeks since the military dolphin stormed the coast and locked down the beaches of Gull Town. By the piers, rusty speakers warned daredevils against entering the water, while lifeguards armed with batons and badges patrolled the squeaky white beaches. Only a few stray parasols remained, tumbling across the sand. Though the sea beckoned, this was now a town of fear, rumour, and bitumen.

Radio and TV buzzed with constant reports of missing surfers and child amputees. On the cover of every Gull Herald: “The Government Doesn’t Want You to Know THIS One Thing About Genetically Modified Dolphins!”

It had been three weeks since the military dolphin stormed the coast and locked down the beaches of Gull Town. By the piers, rusty speakers warned daredevils against entering the water, while lifeguards armed with batons and badges patrolled the squeaky white beaches. Only a few stray parasols remained, tumbling across the sand. Though the sea beckoned, this was now a town of fear, rumour, and bitumen.

Radio and TV buzzed with constant reports of missing surfers and child amputees. On the cover of every Gull Herald: “The Government Doesn’t Want You to Know THIS One Thing About Genetically Modified Dolphins!”

Tips for your own variation

What's the difference between observable fact and narrator commentary?

Your turn

Write a scene from a bird's eye view. Avoid identifying or giving insight into any characters.

That's an example of keeping your distance.

Let's go closer—but not too close!

Narrative distance

Five levels

Bird's eye

Like what you see?