Simple sentences

If you go looking for longish snippets of text that only use simple sentences, you'll find it surprisingly hard.

The fact is that simple sentences are quite limiting on their own, and putting a lot of them together can make a paragraph sound jarring or repetitive.

But this can be useful sometimes. Here's a snippet from The Martian, where the main character is mentally checking through some equipment to figure out what he can use.

(The section in brackets is its own sentence. The brackets are used instead of a full stop to show it's a related thought.)

Notice how it's essentially a list: This is here. This is doing this. That's doing this other thing. I can't use that (it's special!).

It's snappy and easy to follow – you get a quick rundown of all the things in the scene and what they're currently doing.

Let's try it for ourselves.

Now have a go yourself. You can try to stick with the same kinds of elements as were in the original snippet (like in the first rewrite), or you might like to change it up a little (like the second rewrite). But make sure you only use simple sentences.