Narrative Basics Project: Revealing secrets and plans

Filling in the story

In this next part of the snippet, Beauchamp answers Rob’s question.

“That’s right,” said Beauchamp. “Fellow I know owed me some money. Paid me with a tiger. That’s the way real men do business. In tigers. He come complete with the cage.” The toothpick in the side of his mouth danced up and down; Beauchamp put a finger up to steady it into silence.

The Tiger Rising(2015)

Beauchamp confirms what Rob is asking and then fills in the backstory.

Notice how he uses fragments in his speech.

But what’s with the physical detail and action at the end? 

The toothpick is a tiny detail that tells you something about Beauchamp: who talks with a toothpick in their mouth? Probably older men in certain parts of America.

And the action helps set a mood. In this snippet, Beauchamp is silencing something, which reinforces this mood of secrecy and control.

“I couldn’t let her go,” said Dr Vine. “I had her in a different tank before, one with a seawater connection. She tried to escape through a pipe. We caught her. Transferred her here. Cut her off completely.”

The air conditioner came on; Dr Vine reached out and lightly tapped a switch on the wall, restoring the lab to complete silence.

“It’s not rotten. But you’re right - we don’t need it. So I give it to my friends. Our family’s friends. They bring luck, they do, and in return we provide for them.”

I saw movement in the darkness outside our back door. Grandfather threw the meat out into the yard, and I heard a scuffle, punctuated by yips and howls.

Use dialogue to give more information. Blend in a small physical detail and some action.
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