Science fantasy worldbuilding in Phoenix 6: Lasers, camera, action!

Starting off with a bang

When the fight breaks out, we want to get the text to match the speed and intensity of the action. You won't find any sweeping descriptions here; in Phoenix the scene is set with a simple opening statement of the situation, with subsequent lines serving to ramp up tension to a tipping point.

There were troopers on the other side. Five huge Axxa troopers with cannon in their hands. They were off-balance from the explosion, but recovering fast. They raised their cannon – aimed –

– and Bixa was upon them.

Phoenix

Notice how the tension in the first few lines escalates and time seems to slow down. This reflects the moment of adrenaline the protagonist—our point of view—is feeling.

First, we are told there are troopers. And they’re armed! And they’re recovering fast! And they’re raising their weapons! Aiming!

Stretching what is probably a second of real-time action over multiple lines makes us hold our breath, waiting to see what will happen next—

—so when the thing that happens next is not expected, it has greater impact. This reversal from a dire situation to the hero’s favour makes the action much more exciting.

The armed Ulysses IV squad surrounded them both. The creature grabbed the goo machine from Biff’s hands. The squad had been floored by the creature’s first attack, but Biff knew that wouldn’t last long. They got to their feet – aimed at both of them –

– and the creature spoke to the machine.

She turned the corner and—oh no, five megabikes oncoming. Riders in impact suits, pulse rifles slung at their sides. They were travelling fast, but they gunned their engines even harder when they saw her. They activated their seeker missiles, the blinking red tips appearing emerging from the front of the bikes like spiders’ eyes – launched them –

– and Vijay hit eject.

Humans approached from all directions. Six of them, with piercing lights and spear guns at the ready. They were slow without the machine to help them, but Jola knew their weapons were fast. Raising their spear guns – they aimed –

– and the Command troop attacked from the dark kelp forest below.

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