Bobbed serenely

The end of the passage is another example following the same pattern but changing the structure slightly. Mr Percival’s action has three parts, which finishes with him stopping nearby.

Whenever he saw Storm Boy anchor the boat he came gliding in with a long, skimming splash, shook his wings into place, and bobbed serenely on the ripples a few yards away.

Storm Boy(1963)

It’s not a particularly strong ending but, as this passage is a short series of observations about their relationship, it doesn’t have to be. The next part of the story shows the other characters' reactions to this relationship (while they’re not the narrators of the story, they’ve obviously watched them, too).

In your writing, think of a gentle conclusion to your observation. Maybe Character 2 comes to a stop, like in the Storm Boy snippet. Or maybe there’s a change in the reaction, like the shy cat finally accepting Amelia in the first example below.

Whenever it saw Amelia stop to explore it slowed right down, stopping a little closer each time, becoming bolder and bolder until it was practically beside her.

And sometimes at night, while Xavier was lying in his bed looking at the moonlight on his bedroom wall, he would notice the crow on the shelf above his desk, watching him in the darkness, silent and motionless, inexplicably perched next to his old Auskick footy.

Write your own variation here.

Observing and describing in Storm Boy 4: Describing a relationship