The hallway outside

In your checkpoint piece, you’re going to be combining feelings, judgments, and explanations. So, let’s have a practice of that, beforehand.

Here, Ji-li Jiang talks about a hallway. There’s no action here, just the setting at this point. But notice how each addition adds an extra layer of detail.

The hallway outside the principal’s office was very quiet. It was noon, and nearly everyone was home for lunch. The big red characters PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE made me nervous.

Red Scarf Girl: A Memoir of the Cultural Revolution(1997)

Did you pick the feelings, judgments, and explanations? Here’s the same snippet broken down.

The hallway outside the principal’s office was very quiet. It was noon, and nearly everyone was home for lunch. The big red characters PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE made me nervous.

Red Scarf Girl: A Memoir of the Cultural Revolution(1997)

Individually, each addition enriches the scene, but the combination of all three paints a full picture. You know what the area is like, why it’s like that, and how the narrator feels about it.

Here are some examples that follow the same pattern.

While the lock was new, Mrs McKenzie’s shed had seen better days. It must have been at least 50 years old and was not treated well during that time. I was determined not to let her beat me, so the loose tin panels at the back of the shed made me very happy indeed.

Coming back, my classroom was active and incredibly noisy after leaving the quiet of Ms Finch’s office. It was an art lesson, and everyone was painting, chatting, and laughing at each other’s creations. I was relieved that no one noticed me return.

Write about a place or a location. Add a judgement, explain that judgement, and add how it all made the narrator feel.

Memoir Basics 3: Adding feelings, judgments, and explanations

The hallway outside