First person in That Eye, the Sky 4: Increasing the tension

That’ll be the old man

This is another snippet made up of short sentences, however this time most are the narrator’s commentary.

Ah, another car. That'll be the old man. He's late. Boy is he late. Mum'll be mad.

That Eye, the Sky(1986)

This short snippet has five whole sentences, and most of them are commentary as Ort tries to convince himself everything is fine.

New alert: Introduce a new alert, but this time it’s for real.

Belief: What does your narrator believe about this alert?

Judgment: How might the narrator judge the situation? (Just use another belief if judgment doesn't make sense for you.)

Expanding: Expand on the belief or judgment.

Prediction: What does the narrator think will happen next?

Part of the reason we don’t believe Ort thinks everything is fine is the shortness of his sentences: so many short sentences in a row make us think the narrator is rushing, like they are desperate for good news.

There, a courier light. Definitely her. The job was more complicated. Sent her backwards and forwards. Emmanuel will want to charge extra.

Ah, now a different bridle. That must be Grandma. She’s come back. She must have realised she wouldn’t make it. Mother will be relieved. 

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