First person in That Eye, the Sky 4: Increasing the tension

Waiting for news

I’m scared

In the final snippet, lots of elements from previous snippets converge.

The car comes up the long drive towards us, but the engine noise is all wrong. Mum is going out. If I could, I'd go out too, but I'm all stuck, like the chair has hold of me. I'm scared, a bit. I am scared. I'm scared. There's fast talking out there. Isn't anyone gonna turn that engine off?

That Eye, the SkyTim WintonSource
Breaking it down
Writing your variation

The rider hits the edge of the light from our shop window, but it’s a man and he’s ringing his bell and shouting. Emmanuel is stepping towards him. I am holding the door frame, gripping the metal, like I’m keeping the building from collapsing. I feel sick. Sick in my stomach. Sick in my chest. Emmanuel and the man are making noises at me. Why don’t they use words? 

Now I can hear hoofbeats coming down the path but that’s not right a pony wouldn’t gallop like that. Mother is opening the door. I would go out but somehow I’m trapped, the wash tub holding my hands like a snare. I might be afraid. I’m definitely afraid. I’m full of fear. The rider is shouting. Shouldn’t he dismount and come in for tea?  

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