Writelike Charles Dickens: The fog in Bleak House

Putting it all together

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Let's put our three chunks together and see what we've got.

Here's the original snippet:

Fog everywhere. Fog up the river, where it flows among green aits and meadows; fog down the river, where it rolls deified among the tiers of shipping and the waterside pollutions of a great (and dirty) city. Fog on the Essex marshes, fog on the Kentish heights. Fog creeping into the cabooses of collier-brigs; fog lying out on the yards and hovering in the rigging of great ships; fog drooping on the gunwales of barges and small boats. Fog in the eyes and throats of ancient Greenwich pensioners, wheezing by the firesides of their wards; fog in the stem and bowl of the afternoon pipe of the wrathful skipper, down in his close cabin; fog cruelly pinching the toes and fingers of his shivering little 'prentice boy on deck.

Bleak House(1852)

Here's our sweaty Brisbane example:

Sweat city. Sweat in hair, from where it drips onto eyebrows and noses; sweat on feet, where it soaks into socks and pools gooey in the bottom of rubbery airless shoes. Sweat in the swollen clouds, sweat on the cement streets. Sweat trickling down the walls of timber houses; sweat misting on windows and coating the interiors of apartment buildings; sweat pooling on tents by the river. Sweat in the elbow creases and earlobes of committed grandparents, insisting on driving over for a visit; sweat on the mattress and pillows of the despairing parents, up in their stifling bedroom; sweat brightly splashing from their squealing kids on the backyard trampoline.

Here's our alligator-infested Tampa example:

Gators galore. Gators to the north, where they lurk in lonely wetlands and lakes; gators to the south, where they slop lazily around the crowded waterfronts and alongside the passenger-laden ferries of this popular tourist town. Gators on the Belleair beach, gators in the Plant City fountain. Gators chomping on floaties in backyard pools; gators gliding out of changing rooms and slipping into jet-powered spas; gators snoozing in private bathtubs and public toilets. Gators in the bingo lounge with the Concordia Village retirees, fleeing on their mobility scooters; gators in the back of the patrol van of the irritated cop, on his way to the jail; gators hungrily snapping at the hands and feet of the screaming prisoners in the cells.

And below is your version, joined together. You'll need to delete the line breaks to create a continuous paragraph.

Is there anything you want to edit? This is your last chance to make improvements before we conclude the lesson!

  • Are you happy with the axes in each section?
  • Are you happy with the contrast between poles?
  • Do all the things belong to a category? Does each thing represent a point on an axis within that category?
  • Same with the people: are they part of a category? And do they represent points on an axis?
Delete the paragraph breaks to create one unified paragraph, then make any final revisions.

If you're happy with your result, hit Next and we'll wrap up this lesson!

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