The tall birds

This passage uses action right from the very start to describe the crowd and does so throughout. The first sentence looks the actions of the crowd, the second focuses on a specific group within it. Weaved into the description is the place and time.

But the words Colin Thiele uses to describe the action have create a feeling as well.

And so the water and the shores rippled and flapped with wings. In the early morning the tall birds stood up and clapped and cheered the rising sun.

Storm Boy(1963)

Action words like ‘rippled’, ‘flapped’, ‘clapped’, and ‘cheered’ all feel positive and playful.

In this course, there are many examples Colin Thiele’s love of two word descriptors (‘windswept and tussocky’, ‘gargled and gurgled’, ‘darts and writhes’), and this passage has quite a few. He even expands into groups of three here (stood up and clapped and cheered)!

Think of a crowd you’d like to write about.

Writing about a crowd is different to talking about an individual.

With a person, you can describe specific physical details like their expressions, their actions, their body language, their clothes and, if you know, the feelings they have.
With a crowd, you describe vague details like movement and general feelings (the vibe), either with the whole crowd or small groups within it. But you can’t talk about individuals, unless they represent that crowd.

Like other lessons in this course, Colin Thiele is trying to make you feel a certain way about the crowd. A very quick, single sentence summary could be:

Storm Boy thinks the crowd of bathing birds are exciting and wonderful.

He then chooses details, actions and other words to help convey that feeling.

So, to start your passage, how you you want your readers to feel about the crowd? Here are some examples:

Amelia thinks the crowd of peak hour commuters are sad and worrying.
Xavier thinks the crowd of bikers are awesome and overwhelming.
Jamal thinks the crowd of family members are caring and smothering.
Druis thinks the crowd of robot soldiers are unfeeling and scary.

Make your own combination to use as a story starter.
thinks the crowd of ________ are ________ and ________.

We’ve noted in other lessons how Storm Boy has a timeless, sort of mythical feel to it. Thiele keeps that feeling going here in the way he begins this snippet with the phrase “And so…”

Begin with the same phrase to get the same epic feeling.

Check out these examples. Notice the actions and the feeling they create.

And so the buses, trams, and footpaths creaked and crunched with bodies. During the peak hour rush workers trudged and tramped and trundled their way to jobs.

And so the car park and the footy field thrummed and roared with engines. In the fading twilight the sunburned bikies revved engines and raised cups and howled as the floodlights came on.

Write your own variation.

Observing and describing in Storm Boy 3: Describing a crowd