Putting it all together

Let’s pull all these fragments back together and see what we have. Here’s the original snippet.

And so the water and the shores rippled and flapped with wings. In the early morning the tall birds stood up and clapped and cheered the rising sun. Everywhere there was the sound of bathing—a happy splashing and sousing and swishing. It sounded as if the water had been turned into a bathroom five miles long, with thousands of busy fellows gargling and gurgling and blowing bubbles together. Some were above the water, some were on it, and some were under it; a few were half on it and half under. Some were just diving into it and some just climbing out of it. Some who wanted to fly were starting to take off, running across the water with big flat feet, flapping their wings furiously, and pedalling with all their might. Some were coming in to land, with their wings braking hard and their big webbed feet splayed out ready to ski over the water as soon as they landed.
Everywhere there were crisscrossing wakes of ripples and waves and splashes. Storm Boy felt the excitement and wonder of it; he often sat on the shore all day with his knees up and his chin cupped in his hands. Sometimes he wished he’d been born an ibis or a pelican.

Storm Boy(1963)

Here are the examples we've been building:

And so the buses, trams, and footpaths creaked and crunched with bodies. During the peak hour rush workers trudged and tramped and trundled their way to jobs. All around there was the noise of being busy—a cacophony of grunts and shouts and discussions. It sounded as if the city was full of radios, each on a different station and the volume turned up to maximum, with thousands of busy people moaning and groaning and complaining about the delays. Some were going to work, some were already at work, while others were asking for work; some were waiting for transport and many were waiting for coffee. A lot were talking about their jobs and most didn’t like them. Those driving negotiated the traffic, weaving through the streets in oversized cars and vans, honking their horns impatiently, and swerving dangerously around cyclists. Those walking negotiated nothing, with their heads glued to their phones and their voices ready to yell and scream as soon as someone or something didn’t get out of their way.
All around her was an impatient chorus of complaints and side remarks and abuse. Amelia was worried and saddened by it; from time to time she sat on the footpath with her legs crossed and a coin cup at her feet. Sometimes she wished there was no need for money or work and people just did what made them happy.

And so the car park and the footy field thrummed and roared with engines. In the fading twilight the sunburned bikies revved engines and raised cups and howled as the floodlights came on. The air was full of sounds of celebration—a wild braying and barking and booming. It was as if the footy field had become a combo of open air pub and servo, with a mass of dudes and bikes roaring and racing and slapping their sides. Some were riding bikes, some were tinkering with them, and some were just sitting on them like armchairs. Many were walking around and admiring each other’s rides. A group of thrillseekers spun donuts in the middle of the field, engines roaring and pouring thick white smoke, rear wheels spattering mud across cheering onlookers. Another group had left their bikes to go on the slip ‘n slide, running full bore and then launching themselves bare-bellied onto the wet and soapy plastic sheeting, landing with a thwack and sailing down the slope into the garbage bins by the carpark.
The footy field was a crazy carnival of bikes and beards and heavy metal. Xavier felt awed and overwhelmed; he was sitting atop the outer fence, feet dangling down, far enough away to take it all in. He thought, all these dudes are so big. How big do you have to be to ride a chopper exactly?

And below is your version, joined together. You'll need to delete some line breaks.

Is there anything you want to edit? This is your last chance to make improvements before we conclude the lesson!

Do you:

Have a character who watches the crowd go about their business?
Show what the crowd is doing as a whole and as individuals (or subgroups)?
Finish off with the character's judgment and thoughts?

Delete excess paragraph breaks and polish your scene.

Observing and describing in Storm Boy 3: Describing a crowd

Putting it all together