Observing and describing in Storm Boy 3: Describing a crowd

Some were just diving

A new rhythm to the writing now. Have a read and see what it is.

Some were above the water, some were on it, and some were under it; a few were half on it and half under. Some were just diving into it and some just climbing out of it.

Storm Boy(1963)

It’s very repetitive, with patterns in patterns. (‘above/on/under’, ‘half on/half under’, ‘diving into/climbing out of’). Together, the snippet implies a hive of activity—the crowd is filled with subgroups all doing their thing.

Let’s look at the examples. Because of the general nature of describing crowds, you’ll see a lot of the same words used in the examples and the snippet.

In this snippet, Thiele focuses the pelicans interacting with water. If it makes sense for your scene, you might like to focus on how your crowd interacts with one feature in the environment—but if that doesn’t work for you, then use other details.

Some were going to work, some were already at work, while others were asking for work; some were waiting for transport and many were waiting for coffee. A lot were talking about their jobs and most didn’t like them. 

Some were riding bikes, some were tinkering with them, and some were just sitting on them like armchairs. Many were walking around and admiring each other’s rides.

Write your own variation.
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