First person in That Eye, the Sky 5: Racing to the scene

The moon sits over the road

In the next snippet, we shift focus to the environment as the characters move toward their fateful destination.

The moon sits over the road like a big fat thing. It looks useless as hell tonight. I never felt that about the moon before. As the road goes downhill I can see the pale lights of the city far away. Trees hang all over the road.

That Eye, the Sky(1986)

This snippet can be divided into two halves: the moon and the landscape (or a focus and the surroundings).

For the focus:

Environmental focus: Choose a focal point in the environment.

Simile or metaphor: How might your narrator see or feel about this focus? Use a simile or metaphor that expresses their point of view.

Judgment: Have the narrator judge the focus for us. Is it good? Bad? Tell us.

Relationship: What is/was the narrator's relationship with the focus?

For the surroundings:

Transition: Shift focus to the changing environment.

Detail 1 and 2: Develop two evocative details in the surroundings.

Billboards pass by like ugly jokes. Stupid people laughing at noodles. I’ve never noticed how much they laugh. We turn at a park and now on the left there’s nothing but weeds and black-leaf trees. Taller than the trees are the streetlights, glaring yellow.

The path twists through the forest like a hare on the run. We will kill this path. The forest will not escape. It will not steal my grandmother. As we race through this barren tunnel, I look up and see the moon riding high beyond the black branches. Steam rises from Chestnut’s shoulders.

Write your variation here.
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