Or this?

Here's another snippet. This one might make sense but still feel wrong in some way. Can you think why?

In the woods, I climbed an oak, singing my mother's song: Oh, don't fall in love with a sailor boy, a sailor boy, a sailor boy—I climbed higher and higher. Don't fall in love with a sailor boy—

I fell down, down, as if I were in slow motion. I saw leaves. I knew I was falling.

Walk Two Moons(1994)

Someone is climbing, and then they are falling.

It doesn't not make sense; people who climb are also people who fall.

The problem is that the fall feels arbitrary.

Why did they fall? It wasn't just because they were climbing; something must have happened.

What might it have been?

Let's fix this one as well.

Copy and paste this text into the box and then add one sentence to explain how they fell:

In the woods, I climbed an oak, singing my mother's song: Oh, don't fall in love with a sailor boy, a sailor boy, a sailor boy—I climbed higher and higher. Don't fall in love with a sailor boy—

I fell down, down, as if I were in slow motion. I saw leaves. I knew I was falling.

Paste the text and add one short sentence to explain how Sal winds up falling.

What did you come up?

Let's compare your idea to the original:

In the woods, I climbed an oak, singing my mother's song: Oh, don't fall in love with a sailor boy, a sailor boy, a sailor boy—I climbed higher and higher. Don't fall in love with a sailor boy—

Then the branch I stepped on snapped, and I grabbed out at another, but it was dead and came away in my hands. I fell down, down, as if I were in slow motion. I saw leaves. I knew I was falling.

Walk Two Moons(1994)

The original makes total sense: if you're climbing a tree, branches can snap and cause you to fall.

What about yours? Does it make sense?

Which version do you prefer?

Both the soccer-ball-in-the-face and branch-snapping snippets have been about quick, physical events. So let's look at an example that spans more time and is about more than just physical action.

Change, cause & effect