This example follows the pattern of the snippet, but it adds more detail about the character action than the physical world.
Does it work? Well, how clearly can you picture the scene? How much detail can you see?
That's a sign of whether or not the description has worked.
Even though this example might have more action than the others, the details about the maze of rooftops, the bristles on the broom brushing snow off the chimney caps, columns of smoke, dancing glow of the streetlamps, the children in the streets below: these all paint the picture.