Keeping on going

This next snippet follows the same pattern as before, but with one new idea.

They hurtled into a side street, crowded with wrought-iron and brass lamps, their glow flickering. Laundry lines lurched in their wake. They dodged stray cats and men buying lusterware dishes decorated with copper birds and fish.

The Map of Salt and Stars

So we have the same action-expansion pattern, but this time we also have a little moment where the environment reacts to the characters running through it.

(If you go back to the previous page, you’ll notice that spilling the oil and flour is a similar environmental reaction, but we didn't highlight it then for simplicity's sake. But now let's level up.)

They scrambled up a fallen fighter jet, missiles still clamped under the wing. The glass of the cockpit cracked beneath their feet. They grabbed cables and pulled themselves up towards a hole in the bulkhead streaked with rust.

Helena hoisted the princess up into an opening in the carriage, its dark, cast iron interior, and surfaces covered in dials marking it as a service entrance. The narrow doorway caught at Helena’s massive skirt. She yanked it through, now streaked with soot.

Write your own variation, with an action expanded with environmental details. Have the environment react to the character action in some way.

Narrative Basics Project: Making a getaway