ARCHIVED 220921 Observing and describing in Storm Boy 3: Describing a crowd

Gargling and gurgling

More positive actions (you may need to use a thesaurus to help you find all the descriptors needed to finish the passage). We’re back to a description of the whole crowd.

Everywhere there was the sound of bathing—a happy splashing and sousing and swishing. It sounded as if the water had been turned into a bathroom five miles long, with thousands of busy fellows gargling and gurgling and blowing bubbles together.

Storm Boy(1963)

Two more three-action combos (splashing and sousing and swishing / gargling and gurgling and blowing bubbles)! Not only that, but there is alliteration in both. Thiele’s on fire!

It’s a technique in writing when words close to each other deliberately start with the same sound.

  • Splashing and sousing and swishing
  • Gargling and gurgling
  • Blowing bubbles

Alliteration draws your readers' attention to a particular section of text. It creates a rhythm or a mood.

Here are some examples. Alliteration may not be in all of them, but all the action word combos create a pleasant rhythm.

All around there was the noise of being busy—a cacophony of grunts and shouts and discussions. It sounded as if the city was full of radios, each on a different station and the volume turned up to maximum, with thousands of busy people moaning and groaning and complaining about the delays.

The air was full of sounds of celebration—a wild braying and barking and booming. It was as if the footy field had become a combo of open air pub and servo, with a mass of dudes and bikes roaring and racing and slapping their sides.

Write your own variation.
Previous page