ARCHIVED 220921 Observing and describing in Storm Boy 3: Describing a crowd

Checkpoint

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Checkpoint page
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Let’s create a checkpoint piece. You can either revise and polish your work from this lesson (we’ve pasted it below) or you can write something completely new. (Your teacher may have a preference).

We’ve highlighted a high-level structure in the snippet, but within that you should try to:

  • Have a character who watches the crowd go about their business
  • Show what the crowd is doing as a whole and as individuals (or subgroups)
  • Use actions to describe the crowd throughout the passage
  • Be consistent with the choice of words (actions and descriptors) that you use, to convey your character's feelings about the crowd
  • Finish off with the character's judgment and thoughts

And so the water and the shores rippled and flapped with wings. In the early morning the tall birds stood up and clapped and cheered the rising sun. Everywhere there was the sound of bathing—a happy splashing and sousing and swishing. It sounded as if the water had been turned into a bathroom five miles long, with thousands of busy fellows gargling and gurgling and blowing bubbles together. Some were above the water, some were on it, and some were under it; a few were half on it and half under. Some were just diving into it and some just climbing out of it. Some who wanted to fly were starting to take off, running across the water with big flat feet, flapping their wings furiously, and pedalling with all their might. Some were coming in to land, with their wings braking hard and their big webbed feet splayed out ready to ski over the water as soon as they landed.
Everywhere there were crisscrossing wakes of ripples and waves and splashes. Storm Boy felt the excitement and wonder of it; he often sat on the shore all day with his knees up and his chin cupped in his hands. Sometimes he wished he’d been born an ibis or a pelican.

Storm Boy(1963)
Here is your work from this lesson. You can either revise and polish it, or you can write something new. (Ask your teacher if they have a preference.)
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