All the way through this group of lessons, we’ve been talking about the tropes, or regular features, of detective stories such as The Falcon’s Malteser. It’s time to wrap things up with our final trope.
Read the final passage and see if you can figure out what it is.
My brother was jubilant. “Five hundred bucks just for looking after an envelope,” he crowed. “This is my lucky day. This is the best thing that’s happened to me this year.” He glanced at the package. “I wonder what’s in it?” he murmured. “Still, that shouldn’t worry us. As far as we’re concerned, there’s no problem.”
That’s what Herbert thought. But right from the start I wasn’t so sure. I mean, five hundred dollars is five hundred dollars, and when you’re throwing that sort of money around, there’s got to be a good reason. And I remembered the dwarf’s face when the car backfired. He may have been a small guy, but he seemed to be expecting big trouble.
Just how big I was to find out soon enough.
As you may have gathered, between this passage and the one from the last lesson, the detective has taken the job and the client is going to pay.
My brother was jubilant. “Five hundred bucks just for looking after an envelope,” he crowed. “This is my lucky day. This is the best thing that’s happened to me this year.”
$500? That was a lot of money back in the day!
See how the detective shares their news in these examples.
Fliss was ecstatic. “Do you believe it? Actual aliens,” she hooted at me. “If only Jane had money to pay us. Poor petal! Still, if we can crack this case and show proof… the jobs and pay cheques will follow!”
The first thing I did was phone my mother. “A hundred bucks, ma!” I shouted, then I realised I needed to lower my voice so the TV room residents wouldn’t hear me. “Just for agreeing to look into the case!” I whispered. “And more to come if I find evidence of bingo fraud! I told you it was better than working at Muffin Man!”
The detective is still looking at this positively, but doubt is starting to creep in. The doubt is dismissed, though.
He glanced at the package. “I wonder what’s in it?” he murmured. “Still, that shouldn’t worry us. As far as we’re concerned, there’s no problem.”
Have a look at these examples.
She looked hopefully at the USB drive, with the Gummi Bear still attached. “Hmmm… would you be a dear and check that disgusting looking thing, please? Whatever on it, I’m sure it’s a good start. Couldn’t make our situation any worse, could it?” Fliss added, glancing at me with a half grin.
I pushed the door closed slightly. “I mean, he did mention that it might be dangerous. That I could get roughed up a little. But that’s not going to happen, is it? These folks need help getting off the toilet. I can almost do parkour!”
But those doubts won’t go away...
That’s what Herbert thought. But right from the start I wasn’t so sure. I mean, five hundred dollars is five hundred dollars, and when you’re throwing that sort of money around, there’s got to be a good reason. And I remembered the dwarf’s face when the car backfired.
Our final detective story trope uses ingredients from all of the ones mentioned: The hard boiled narrator can’t take a job at face value. Their cynical, investigative nature won’t let things slide. They look at the client, the job, weigh up the clues, mix it with some experience and gut feeling, and decide that none of it adds up.
It's also a good time to summarise the evidence that's been provided up until now. Can you see this pattern in these examples?
I wasn’t so sure. Jane said she had proof but, if we hadn’t have been so desperate to reveal alien existence to the world, I would have advised Fliss not to take on the case. All we had was someone’s word that, last week, she didn’t look like a 90-year-old, and a USB drive that looked like it could give you a virus, in more ways than one.
Even as I was saying it, I was wondering. D’Angelo was built like a steamroller, he could have flattened me without even looking up from his phone. But I saw his eyes when he thought somebody had caught him talking to me. I saw the fear.
Despite all of these doubts, the job is still accepted!
He may have been a small guy, but he seemed to be expecting big trouble.
Just how big I was to find out soon enough.
From a narrative point of view, the final line reminds you that this is a recount. The narrator is retelling the story. From a writer’s point of view, it’s telling the reader that this is the beginning of a big adventure. To find out what happens next, you’ll need to keep reading.
Can you see the same pattern in these examples?
Was our Jane Doe just a dazed and confused old lady, or had she really made a close encounter?
The truth (and more) lay waiting for us on that drive.
He may have been a big guy, but someone in Sunnybank Village was capable of making him very, very small.
Now it was my job to find out why.
Let’s pull all these fragments back together and see what we have. Here’s the original snippet.
My brother was jubilant. “Five hundred bucks just for looking after an envelope,” he crowed. “This is my lucky day. This is the best thing that’s happened to me this year.” He glanced at the package. “I wonder what’s in it?” he murmured. “Still, that shouldn’t worry us. As far as we’re concerned, there’s no problem.”
That’s what Herbert thought. But right from the start I wasn’t so sure. I mean, five hundred dollars is five hundred dollars, and when you’re throwing that sort of money around, there’s got to be a good reason. And I remembered the dwarf’s face when the car backfired. He may have been a small guy, but he seemed to be expecting big trouble.
Just how big I was to find out soon enough.
Here are the examples we've been building:
Fliss was ecstatic. “Do you believe it? Actual aliens,” she hooted at me. “If only Jane had money to pay us. Poor petal! Still, if we can crack this case and show proof… the jobs and pay cheques will follow!” She looked hopefully at the USB drive, with the Gummi Bear still attached. “Hmmm… would you be a dear and check that disgusting looking thing, please? Whatever on it, I’m sure it’s a good start. Couldn’t make our situation any worse, could it?” Fliss added, glancing at me with a half grin.
I wasn’t so sure. Jane said she had proof but, if we hadn’t have been so desperate to reveal alien existence to the world, I would have advised Fliss not to take on the case. All we had was someone’s word that, last week, she didn’t look like a 90-year-old, and a USB drive that looked like it could give you a virus, in more ways than one. Was our Jane Doe just a dazed and confused old lady, or had she really made a close encounter?
The truth (and more) lay waiting for us on that drive.
The first thing I did was phone my mother. “A hundred bucks, ma!” I shouted, then I realised I needed to lower my voice so the TV room residents wouldn’t hear me. “Just for agreeing to look into the case!” I whispered. “And more to come if I find evidence of bingo fraud! I told you it was better than working at Muffin Man!” I pushed the door closed slightly. “I mean, he did mention that it might be dangerous. That I could get roughed up a little. But that’s not going to happen, is it? These folks need help getting off the toilet. I can almost do parkour!”
Even as I was saying it, I was wondering. D’Angelo was built like a steamroller, he could have flattened me without even looking up from his phone. But I saw his eyes when he thought somebody had caught him talking to me. I saw the fear. He may have been a big guy, but someone in Sunnybank Village was capable of making him very, very small.
Now it was my job to find out why.
And below is your version, joined together.
Is there anything you want to edit? This is your last chance to make improvements before we conclude the lesson!
That’s it for the course!
We've looked at the tropes of detective stories and how The Falcon's Malteser exaggerates them to create a comedy.
It's a great way to write a funny piece, too. A lot of comedy is taking a style, a situation, or a story that most people recognise and tweak and twist the tropes by:
The next time you attempt to write for laughs (whether it's a dective story or not), use this group of lessons to help.
Tell me more about The Falcon’s Malteser (without giving away too many spoilers)
The Falcon’s Malteser by Anthony Horowitz is the first of 8 novels in The Diamond Brothers series, which tells the adventures of the world’s worst private detective.
Set in London, it features Nick Simple and his older brother Herbert (who works under the name ‘Tim Diamond’ because he thought it sounded better). As this group of lessons covers, they’re approached by Johnny Naples who employs them to look after a box of chocolates. It contains all the staples of a good detective story - mystery, intrigue, arrests, nightclub singers, shady figures, kidnappings and diamonds.
The story has also been adapted into a stage play and a film called Diamond’s Edge or Just Ask for Diamond, depending on where you live.
This is a promo that was created for New Old Friends for their stage production of the story.
And this is a section of the film that matches the passages we're looking at in these lessons!
Pictures of this guy are all throughout this course. Who is he?
The actor's name is Humphrey Bogart.
He starred in many classic detective films in the 1930s and 1940s, the most memorable being, Casablanca, The Big Sleep and The Maltese Falcon.
Also, as The Falcon's Malteser is an obvious play on The Maltese Falcon, Humphrey Bogart was an obvious choice to illustrate these lessons!
That's it!
We hope these lessons give you ideas on how to write your own classic detective story (or your own detective comedy story, or your own comedy detective story, or your own... oh forget it).
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