In memoirs, authors focus on a particular period in their lives when certain people, events and places (who, what, where) were really important or memorable. But how is this different from a straightforward recount?
Here’s a snippet that reads like a recount. But if you click on the expanders, the hidden detail makes it read a lot more like a memoir. Why? What makes the difference?
When I was in the fourth grade, a girl came up to me in the schoolyard during recess and said, “You have the prettiest hair. Let’s be friends.” I said, “Okay.” Heck, I was glad someone wanted to be my friend. Her name was Frances. I’ll never forget Frances for as long as I live. She was thin, with light brown hair and blue eyes. She was a quiet gentle person. I was actually forbidden to play with her because she was a gentile, but I’d sneak over to her house anyway and sneak her over to mine. Actually I didn’t have to sneak into Frances’s house because I was always welcome there.
Let’s look at this snippet in a little more detail.
McBride helps us to understand why this little episode is significant by giving us three things: a feeling (he was glad), a judgment (she was quiet and gentle), and an explanation (he was forbidden to play because she was a gentile).
(What’s a gentile? Look it up for yourself!)
Here’s the same snippet, broken down.
When I was in the fourth grade, a girl came up to me in the schoolyard during recess and said, “You have the prettiest hair. Let’s be friends.” I said, “Okay.” Heck, I was glad someone wanted to be my friend. Her name was Frances. I’ll never forget Frances for as long as I live. She was thin, with light brown hair and blue eyes. She was a quiet gentle person. I was actually forbidden to play with her because she was a gentile, but I’d sneak over to her house anyway and sneak her over to mine. Actually I didn’t have to sneak into Frances’s house because I was always welcome there.
In this lesson, we’re going to look at ways in which feelings, judgments and explanations are used in memoirs to explain why events are significant. For each exercise, you'll get a snippet, and then an example showing how you could apply that style.
You can:
Let’s go!
The Memoir lessons need a little thought and preparation before you begin.
Whether you choose to write about yourself or not, it might be worth reading through the lesson first before you start to decide which suits you better.
If you’ve already seen this page in other memoir lessons, you can skip this bit.
Should I write about myself or not?
If you choose to write about yourself and the people you know, remember to write safely.
Think about what you want to reveal to the rest of your group. What are you willing to let other people know about yourself? If you include people you know in your writing, think about how they’d feel about that, especially if members of your group know them too.
If you write something worrying or disturbing, don't be surprised if a teacher asks you if you're okay.
Should I make up a story?
If you choose to make up a story about yourself or a completely fictional character, make sure everyone in your group knows!
Can I write some true stories and some fictional ones?
For your readers’ sake, you should stick to one or the other. It will get very confusing if you mix fact with fiction! Again, it might be worth reading through the lesson first to decide which suits you better.
Let’s start with using feelings to add extra meaning to a story.
Let’s use the expander again. Notice how adding a feeling helps you understand the situation a little more.
One day, when we lifted it up, we found a dead mouse lying among our treasures. It was an exciting discovery.
Without the expansion, the first sentence is simply a fact within a recount. Adding a feeling starts to give you a sense of why Dahl has mentioned the rat at all. The rest of the story explains the reaction further.
One day, when we lifted it up, we found a dead mouse lying among our treasures. It was an exciting discovery.
Here are some examples, using the same pattern as the snippet. Each of them start with a neutral statement and finish with a feeling that enriches the story.
We walked around the corner to find a moving truck outside of Mrs McKenzie’s house. We were overjoyed.
Mr Runcorn told me to sit outside of the principal’s office for the rest of the day. To be honest, I was relieved more than anything.
Sometimes you’re trying to hide how you feel.
While this snippet has the same ‘neutral fact / expand with a feeling’ structure of the last page, it’s used in a different way. The ‘fact’ is Homer’s outside appearance, the ‘feeling’ is what’s happening on the inside. It finishes with a timeframe.
I was sitting nearby, watching television, trying not to scream from the pain each time I breathed. My ribs ached for a month.
This hidden, inner world would have been missing in a recount, and the significance of what was happening would have been completely lost.
Here are some examples with the same structure.
We stood there watching Mrs McKenzie’s furniture go into the truck, trying not to jump up and down with joy as each item went in. I don’t know how, but we kept a straight face until the loaded truck left.
I sat quietly outside the principal’s office, while inside I was laughing at the silliness of it all. Keeping it in made my sides ache all afternoon.
In this snippet, two facts are linked by a feeling. Without that feeling providing meaning, they would make less sense together.
I waved at Dorothy from the bus. She waved back and then threw me a little kiss. I felt like I was floating the whole trip back to Coalwood. Jack had to remind me to get off at my bus stop.
Notice that the feeling in the middle isn’t the usual ‘I felt happy’ or ‘we were angry’. It uses figurative language to make the feeling more interesting.
Here are some examples with the same structure and style of language.
We watched Mrs McKenzie as her car followed the moving van away. She scowled at us and turned away. We felt like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz when the witch melted. Mum had to yell at us to stop dancing and whooping in the middle of the street.
I walked into the principal’s office. Ms Finch asked me to sit down and told me how disappointed she was. My stomach contents felt like they were about to escape and paint the room. I quietly asked if I could go to the toilet.
Now let’s look at judgments. Another word we can use to describe this is opinion—the writer of the memoir gives their opinion of a person, place, or event.
Again, let’s read a snippet with and without the judgment. What does it add to the passage?
When night came, we balanced our rocket, looking wicked and sleek, on top of my mother’s rose-garden fence.
It’s not a big change. The snippet still makes sense without the judgment. But adding Homer’s opinion of his rocket shifts it beyond a recount. It shows he’s proud of his efforts—he may also think the launch will be successful. So, planting his positive opinion before the launch gives the negative outcome (spoiler: it won’t be successful) more emphasis.
When night came, we balanced our rocket, looking wicked and sleek, on top of my mother’s rose-garden fence.
Here are some examples, using the same pattern.
That night, we snuck out of the house, looking dodgy and dangerous, and followed the shadows to McKenzie’s ex-home.
After holding out at the loo for as long as I could, I trudged, sad and forlorn, back to Ms Finch’s office.
Judgments, of course, can be about people as well. This judgment, however, has a qualifier.
Within ten minutes, he had the thing working. Dad was a wizard back then.
Did you notice it? By using the qualifier, ‘back then’, you can assume Vizzini doesn’t have the same opinion about his Dad nowadays. Two judgments for the price of one!
Let’s try to mimic the same pattern in these examples.
After many bumps, crashes, and swear words in the darkness, we arrived at the house. We weren’t very subtle in those days.
I gave Ms Finch some excuse about eating something dodgy for lunch. I was a terrible liar, even then.
In this snippet, the original judgment is clarified and enhanced by focussing on a detail.
Our apartment was bright and warm and welcoming. Burgundy curtains shut the darkness outside and made the one big room even cozier.
Let’s follow that example.
Mrs McKenzie’s house was empty and bare. Patches of raw earth where pot plants and ceramics once stood made the house feel even more abandoned.
Ms Finch was neat and organised. Her speech, her dress sense, her office, even her computer desktop all felt like an extension of her detail-focussed mind.
Let’s look at explanations.
Again, let’s read a snippet with and without the explanation. What does it add to the passage?
Our home was always full of people visiting from the village. Hospitality is an important part of Pashtun culture.
As the name suggests, explanations are all about the whys. There could have been any number of reasons why their family always had company. The explanation goes beyond a simple recount and helps us understand more about the Pashtun culture, that it was important to Malala’s family, and that they were friendly, social people.
Our home was always full of people visiting from the village. Hospitality is an important part of Pashtun culture.
Here are some examples, using the same pattern.
We headed straight to Mrs McKenzie’s back shed. She often confiscated anything of ours that accidentally fell into her yard and locked it in there, so it was the best place to start.
I told Ms Finch the truth. She could always see through a lie, no matter how clever the liar.
This snippet explains why the narrator responded in a certain way to an event. Much like the judgment we looked at earlier, this explanation has a qualifier.
Check it out.
As we came level with the shop we saw a cardboard notice hanging on the door.
CLOSED
We stopped and stared. We had never known the sweetshop to be closed at this time in the morning, even on Sundays.
The phrase ‘even on Sundays’ adds extra emphasis. It sounds like Dahl thought about his explanation, looked for flaws in his argument, and came up empty. It’s almost as if he was waiting for you to argue the point and got in early. As far as he’s concerned, this explanation is airtight.
Let’s write our own version.
The shed door was still locked. Mrs McKenzie had even replaced the old padlock with a shiny new one. Even though she no longer lived there!
We couldn’t believe it. We had never met someone so vindictive and mean, even amongst the roughest bullies at our school.
After listening to my version of events, Ms Finch nodded thoughtfully and said she’d see what she could do to help.
I breathed a sigh of relief. I’d never met an adult so willing to listen to my problems and treat them seriously. Even my parents had off days.
In this snippet, we get three explanations!
“I got first game!” Daniel and I yelled simultaneously. I got it, of course. I was the oldest, and the oldest brothers get everything—that’s why we’re racked with guilt.
If you want to be really technical…
Phew!
Vizzini’s final explanation is like a joke from a stand up comedian—it’s an unexpected turn to make you laugh. Your version doesn’t have to be funny, though. Just make each explanation build on the last. Remember to start simple.
Here are some examples.
“Let’s find the old hag and make her give us the keys!” hissed my brother. We didn’t, of course. That was my brother in a nutshell. He sounded tough and violent, but never delivered on it—that’s why I considered myself the brains of our family.
“Do you want me to ring your parents and tell them what’s happening?” Ms Finch asked. I shook my head. My parents wouldn’t understand. They would overreact and make a bad situation worse—it’s why I’ve always thought school problems should stay at school.
In your checkpoint piece, you’re going to be combining feelings, judgments, and explanations. So, let’s have a practice of that, beforehand.
Here, Ji-li Jiang talks about a hallway. There’s no action here, just the setting at this point. But notice how each addition adds an extra layer of detail.
The hallway outside the principal’s office was very quiet. It was noon, and nearly everyone was home for lunch. The big red characters PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE made me nervous.
Did you pick the feelings, judgments, and explanations? Here’s the same snippet broken down.
The hallway outside the principal’s office was very quiet. It was noon, and nearly everyone was home for lunch. The big red characters PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE made me nervous.
Individually, each addition enriches the scene, but the combination of all three paints a full picture. You know what the area is like, why it’s like that, and how the narrator feels about it.
Here are some examples that follow the same pattern.
While the lock was new, Mrs McKenzie’s shed had seen better days. It must have been at least 50 years old and was not treated well during that time. I was determined not to let her beat me, so the loose tin panels at the back of the shed made me very happy indeed.
Coming back, my classroom was active and incredibly noisy after leaving the quiet of Ms Finch’s office. It was an art lesson, and everyone was painting, chatting, and laughing at each other’s creations. I was relieved that no one noticed me return.
Finally, for your checkpoint piece, let’s revisit the snippet from the start of the lesson. Write your version of James McBride’s snippet, where he makes a new friend.
Remember, it can be based on your own experience, or made up, but it should:
When I was in the fourth grade, a girl came up to me in the schoolyard during recess and said, “You have the prettiest hair. Let’s be friends.” I said, “Okay.” Heck, I was glad someone wanted to be my friend. Her name was Frances. I’ll never forget Frances for as long as I live. She was thin, with light brown hair and blue eyes. She was a quiet gentle person. I was actually forbidden to play with her because she was a gentile, but I’d sneak over to her house anyway and sneak her over to mine. Actually I didn’t have to sneak into Frances’s house because I was always welcome there.
That’s it for the lesson.
Here are the books we used in this lesson.
The Colour of Water, by James McBride
James McBride writes a tribute to his eccentric mother and how she shaped his upbringing. In his memoir, he looks at family relationships, resilience, faith, and forgiveness.
Boy, by Roald Dahl
Roald Dahl's memoirs are full of anecdotes about his childhood and school days, including dead rats in sweet shops, holidays in fishing boats, school bullies and nose-threatening accidents.
Rocket Boys, by Homer Hickman
Three years in the life of Homer ‘Sonny’ Hickam, from the moment he sees the Sputnik satellite overhead in West Virginia to his successful launch of a prizewinning rocket.
Teen Angst? Naaah…, by Ned Vizzini
Ned Vizzini presents the weird, funny, and sometimes mortifying moments that made up his teen years.
Red Scarf Girl: A Memoir of the Cultural Revolution, by Ji-li Jiang
Ji-li Jiang writes of her experiences during the Cultural Revolution of China in the 1960s, where changes in politics affect her family and education.
I am Malala: The Girl Who Stood Up for Education and was Shot by the Taliban, by Malala Yousafzai, with Christina Lamb
The title says it all—it’s the story of Malala’s survival and how she became an international symbol of peaceful protest and the youngest person ever to win a Nobel Peace Prize.
See you next time!
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