Checkpoint

Let's put everything together in a checkpoint piece. Here's the original snippet:

Heart beating in his throat, Harry opened his eyes. They were standing hand in hand in a snowy lane under a dark blue sky in which the night's first stars were already glimmering feebly. Cottages stood on either side of the narrow road, Christmas decorations twinkling in their windows. A short way ahead of them, a glow of golden streetlights indicated the centre of the village.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows(2007)

Here are the examples we've been building:

Stomach churning, Anwar opened his mouth. He was looking down into a narrow chute that led into a darkness from which rose only the sound of dripping water and the faintest smell of mold. Lights ran down the sides of the passage, beads of water glittering on their casings. Somewhere in the darkness below him, echoing, drunken laughter indicated the thieves’ hideout.

Blood pounding in his ears, Thomas sat upright. He was lying fully-clothed on a rusting platform above a dark reservoir in which the city’s teeming rats were hunting quietly. Pipes hung from the shadows overhead, warmth radiating from deep inside them. On the other side of the reservoir, a tiny red light suggested the only exit.

Cinnamon tickling her nose, Samantha sneezed herself awake. She was propped upright on a pillowy bed in a soft pink room around which the scent of berries and vanilla hung just a little too sweetly. A curtain hung across the only doorway, tiny love hearts stitched into the fabric. Outside the window, a wrought-iron fence barred the way to a green field and the wild woods beyond.

And below is your version, joined together. You will need to delete the excess paragraph breaks.

Is there anything you want to edit? This is your last chance to make improvements before we conclude the lesson:

Start small, then get wider and wider.
Look around the surroundings.
Show where your character will go next.
And think about the mood: can you make a balance between things seeming lovely but also a little spooky or creepy?

Delete excess paragraph breaks and polish your scene.

Gothic in the Deathly Hallows: Guiding the reader's eye