First person narrative in That Eye, the Sky 5: Racing to the scene

Racing to the scene

Checkpoint

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Let’s create a checkpoint piece. You can either revise and polish your work from this lesson (we’ve pasted it below) or you can write something new. (Your teacher may have a preference.)

Remember, this snippet is about maintaining tension and being indirect. The characters know something bad has happened but they aren't talking about it. Instead they talk about banal logistics while their feelings leak out the sides.

Some other pointers:

  • Use simile and metaphor
  • Pay attention to the narrator's limited knowledge
  • Link environmental details to emotions.

The speedo is like a clock gone mad. I don't know why, but I feel like I just swallowed a whole egg, shell and all. I can tell something bad's happened—I'm not stupid—but no one has told me yet. I don't know. If my Dad is dead, we just won't live anymore.

The moon sits over the road like a big fat thing. It looks useless as hell tonight. I never felt that about the moon before. As the road goes downhill I can see the pale lights of the city far away. Trees hang all over the road.

"Where's Tegwyn?" I ask.

"She's home looking after Grammar."

"I could've done that."

"I want you... with me," she says. I know she's crying. All the door handles glow in the dark. It's like I can see her face in them and she's crying in all of them. Tegwyn will hate looking after Grammar.

That Eye, the SkyTim WintonSource
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