Narrative Basics Project: Revealing secrets and plans

Reacting to the Secret

In the next snippet, Rob reacts to Duchamp’s revelation, but the reaction plays out over several steps.

“A tiger,” said Rob. He let his mouth drop open. He tried to look excited and amazed.

“Damn straight,” said Beauchamp. “King of the jungle. And he’s all mine.”

“Wow,” said Rob. “You own him?”

The Tiger Rising(2015)

What’s going on? Let's break it down:

  • Giving information: Rob says what he sees.
  • Emotional reaction: We see or hear Rob’s reactions (although, in this case Rob is pretending).
  • Affirming: Beauchamp affirms what Rob is saying.
  • Boasting: Beauchamp subtly boasts about how cool his secret is.
  • Asking for information: Rob asks Beauchamp to tell him more.

“A mermaid,” whispered Roberta. She took a step closer to the glass. She felt her knees buckle slightly.

“Yes,” said Dr Vine. “A siren of the sea. I’ve had her for two years.”

“Seriously?” said Roberta. “You’ve kept her in here the whole time?”

I could see that he was holding several offcuts of meat. My forehead wrinkled. “Friends?” 

“That’s right,” he said. “They have been coming here for many generations.”

I stepped closer. “Why are you giving them rotten meat?” I asked.

The second example plays a little loose with the pattern. For instance, instead of giving information to the questioner, the narrator gives information to us, the reader. 

And a dialogue fragment is used as part of the emotional reaction.

For this lesson, you don't want to break the pattern completely, but it's okay to play a little within the bounds so long as the meaning is still the same.

Using dialogue, reveal the secret and show an emotional reaction from the first character, followed by boasting by the secret-holder. Finish up with a request for information.
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