Narrative Basics Project: Making a getaway

Detailing the environment

The next beat in the snippet really has two key actions, each with expanded detail.

In the snippet, we've hidden the expansions. Click on the + signs to open them up and see the hidden detail.

0 checks used


They dodged the crowds, diving between shop signs and old men hawking tea and hats, between merchants with monkeys and women with small children. They knocked over vials of spices and jugs of oil and flour, spilling a mess on the street.

The Map of Salt and Stars

Do you see how the snippet makes sense with the expansions closed—we don't need that detail to be able to follow the main action.

But the expanded detail adds more richness and life to the story—it puts us in the scene. Otherwise the story would be meh—they ran, they ran some more... so what?

So to write your own variation, you need two key actions with expanded detail.

But what kind of detail? Take a closer look at the environmental details inside the expansions.

They dodged the crowds, diving between shop signs and old men hawking tea and hats, between merchants with monkeys and women with small children. They knocked over vials of spices and jugs of oil and flour, spilling a mess on the street.

The Map of Salt and Stars

The details can be anything: other people, animals, objects, plants.

Look closely at your inspiration image and try to find details that excite you, and when you describe them, be specific (without being longwinded). 

0 checks used


They sprinted across the ribbed sand, their feet splashing in tidal puddles and scattering the schools of tiny fish that were trapped there. They hooked around an overturned trawler, its boom broken like an elbow, and ran exposed towards the beached aircraft carrier.

0 checks used


Helena didn’t bother trying to thread through the people streaming off the train, with their suitcases and hat boxes, their partners and babies and dogs.  Her whalebone hoop skirt barged along the platform, leaving a trail of yelling patrons, upended luggage, and stray top hats in its wake.

Write your own variation here, with two main actions, each expanded with environmental details.
Previous page