Bum like an angry mob

The second snippet is a little more complex.

Her dress has got flowers all on it, none of them much to look at. Her bum moves around when she laughs. Dad always says she has a bum like an angry mob which means nothing to me but a lot to him, I reckon.

That Eye, the Sky(1986)

This snippet is a good demonstration of how complex first person narration can get. It looks like simple character description, but there's a lot going on.

Detail 1 + Subjective expansion: The narrator notices a small descriptive detail and then expand on it with a subjective observation from the narrator (a dress with flowers that aren’t much to look at).

Detail 2: Another descriptive character detail.

Judgment w/simile + Subjective expansion: The narrator tells us what the victim thinks of Detail 2 (dad: it’s like an angry mob), and then expands with their own point of view (narrator: it means nothing to me but a lot to him).

Modal note: Finally there’s this little modal note which reinforces that we are inside the narrator’s head with their limited knowledge and understanding.

You might notice that both our examples have extra expansions that aren't highlighted separately (while he watches YouTube; they're utterly irressistable...). We've kept it simple so you can see clearly how the original pattern is being applied.

It's fine if you want to add extra expansions; you might find it's essential to capture your voice, world, or to help your story make sense.

His shirt is covered in palm leaves, like a tourist. His glasses reflect the computer monitor while he watches YouTube. Imani says the glasses make him look like a university professor which delights him because he never finished high school, as far as I know.

Her apron smells of baked cinnamon scrolls and feels like warmth and home. Her hands dust my dress with flour. Grandma calls her the Pied Piper of pastries because nobody can resist them, they’re utterly irresistible, enchanting, overwhelming, as you know.

Write your variation here.

First person in That Eye, the Sky 1: Saying goodbye

Bum like an angry mob